In the words of Wyclef Jean, “Someone please call 911 tell them I just been shot down and the bullet’s in my heart.”

When the relationship, or for some, the situation-ship abruptly ends, the heartbroken and the alleged heartbreaker often stand on two-sides: one at fault and the other, no fault.

Both left questioning who is to blame.

But can you be honest and admit that sometimes you could possibly be the cause of your own heartbreak?

Once emotions are put into check, you need to evaluate the reasons for the heartbreak occurring.  It’s important to take a good look from the outside in; to make sure what you wanted (and expected) from the relationship was communicated – and not assumed.

Understanding the part you may have played in the relationship going wrong doesn’t guarantee that your heart will never be broken again… as long as you are looking for love and even when you are fortunate enough to find it, there is still a chance your heart will be broken. Nor will it make the next heartbreak any less traumatic.

However it will allow an opportunity to reflect on the lessons to be learned and help you become better at loving the right one.

When entering or exiting a relationship, evaluate the following points and consider your feelings to ensure that you won’t unknowingly set your heart up to take a big fall.

HOW TO DETERMINE WHETHER HE IS READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU

  1. He’s Fallen and He Can’t Get Up

Is he capable of and willing to pursue a relationship with you if feelings begin to develop? Ask him.

You have a lot to offer and let’s face it, your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard so what man in his right mind wouldn’t want to fall for you?  However, if there are things blocking him, i.e., emotional walls or an ex that he can’t shake, perhaps he doesn’t have the ability to become who you deserve.

  1. Reading is Fundamental

Forget about asking whether or not you’re both on the same page. Instead, make sure that you are both “love literate” and reading the same book.

Are you both speaking the same love language, clearly communicating, and being open, honest and transparent to ensure that needs and expectations aren’t being lost in translation?

Even before you accept that first dinner invitation, find out whether it will be an invite to a 3-course meal or months of nightcaps.

  1. Is Seattle in Washington?

Maybe you’re ready to settle down into a relationship, but that doesn’t mean he has a long-term commitment in mind.  Before you start picking out China patterns and incorporating him into your plans, find out if you are in his future plans.

HOW TO RESPOND WHEN HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

  1. Hell of a Sale

You’re priceless and what that means is: never forget who the heck you are!

If he decides that he doesn’t want you, don’t you dare barter, beg, plead or sell yourself short.  Do not use manipulation, crocodile tears or reverse psychology to sucker him back into a relationship. Hold your head high, stiffen that lip, put on those big girl drawers and walk away with dignity.

Him losing you is his loss.

  1. He Got it from Jared’s

If you don’t get anything else please get this: when shopping for jewels, haven’t you noticed that the most expensive pieces are often protected behind lock and key; and are not easily accessible?

When a customer shows interest, they are asked whether they have an established line of credit. Then, upon viewing, if there is no serious intent to purchase, the jewels are locked back up.

The jeweler doesn’t run after the potential buyer trying to convince them to purchase. They don’t lower the price or bat an eye. Their focus is directed to the next credit worthy buyer.

Moral of the story: you are that jewel – you never have to chase! And remember to qualify your potential partner before you remove your lock. Guard your key.

No matter how good your gumbo tastes or how thick your milkshake is, it will never matter to one who has a seafood aversion or is lactose intolerant.

And that’s okay. You aren’t supposed to be everyone’s flava’!

The bottom line is this: when you are willing to put yourself into a vulnerable position to receive and fall in love, there is a real possibility that your heart will be broken.

However, that need to experience falling in love must be stronger than your fear of failing in love.

Take off the rose colored glasses that keep you from seeing the red flags and embrace the love that’s destined for you.

Just Saying!

————————————————–
Interested in writing for Nia? We’re looking for Guest Writers to join our contributor team! Click HERE to find out how.