When I was growing up, there were several families on my block. We showed unity, strength and honored each other.

This was great in so many ways, but there was one important thing missing: Fathers.

That’s right almost everyone I knew lived in a single parent home.

As a black woman in this environment, you are taught to focus on your children once you’ve had them. No one or nothing is EVER to be placed before your children. You are encouraged to wait on love because right now your children need you the most.

If any of this is true for you, how natural would it be to focus on your children more than your husband once you’re married?

Here are a few things I’ve learned in my short 3 years of marriage.

1. Your Husband Needs You Just As Much As Your Children Do

There is a reason the biblical name for a wife is a Help Meet/Helper. When you are truly one with a man, he more than likely depends on you to help him stay focused and motivated.

In most cases, a wife’s presence and influence can be the driving force to his destiny and livelihood.

2. Your Husband Has Emotions Too

Men aren’t emotional like women, but they do have feelings. Take the time to ask what’s on his mind.

While you may believe that everything is going great and you are the Wonder Woman of your home, you just might find out that your husband has felt neglected in more ways than one.

3. Learn to Properly Manage Your Time

If your house is anything like mine, there can be not only moments, but days of complete chaos. You have to remember that there is always going to be something to do at home and you can’t allow busy work to distract you.

It’s okay to make a task list and save some for another day! Make a daily planning sheet for yourself and follow it to the best of your ability. Set play time, activity time and nap time for your children.

The point is to avoid becoming overwhelmed and exhausted by the time your husband comes home from work.

I made this mistake for a very long time…the most conversation my husband got from me when he arrived at home was, “Your plate is in the microwave, turn that light out, I love you, good night.”

I was a horrible manager of my time and it left me almost lifeless by the end of the night.

4. Never Forget to Affirm Your Husband 

Contrary to popular belief, men need affirmation just as much as women do – sometimes even more.

On my wedding day, I vowed that another woman would never compliment my husband more than I do. I meant what I said. My intentions were good but I did not always follow through.

How would you feel if your husband never told you he loved you unless you said it first? What if he said that you are beautiful, talented, gifted or even simply appreciated? Well my love, this thing works both ways!

Tell him you love him daily and that he is as fine as wine. Whisper in his ear that he smells good enough to eat and always remember to say please and thank you.

It seems very elementary doesn’t it? But how often do we neglect this very thing?

I have a 2 year old. I affirm her daily and praise her for being smart and a good girl. She believes and repeats what I say with confidence, because my words have value to her. That gives my words the power to mold and build her.

How much better would our marriages be if we did the same for the Kings of our homes? 

Marriage is work and it is going to be what you make it. The earth yields harvests of what you plant. Some call it Karma and others might say it’s the law of attraction.

Whatever you invest is going to determine your return. Not only must we give our children our best, our partners deserve that as well.

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