Iwas 20 years old when I got married to who I thought was the perfect guy.

I diligently saved myself for marriage. I was a naïve virgin, oblivious to hardships and turmoil; though I would soon learn that these things come with life lessons.

I was married for a short period of time to a person who had great religious views and a nice personality, but fruitless characteristics that contributed to our relationship’s downfall.

Imagine waiting to give yourself to a man, and immediately after committing yourself, he turned into a totally different person. A destructive person. Your wedding day seemed like a fairytale, but today’s a complete nightmare because he has stripped you of things you believe you may never get back: dignity, confidence, innocence, personality and time.

But then…imagine that hardship gracefully turning you into a phenomenal woman.

Here are 5 steps to gracefully become a better you, especially when you are at your lowest.

  1. Allow Yourself Time to Heal

After a break up, divorce or any pivotal detrimental moment, always allow yourself time to heal. What does this look like?

Devote time to yourself; learning the new attributes you may have acquired during the relationship. You may no longer like certain things that you used to… spend vital time making a list of things you enjoyed doing before, during, and even after the relationship, and spend your time doing them.

This allows you time to get your mind off things and explore your hobbies.

2.  Stay Away from Negative Thinking

Have a positive mindset – whether you were in the wrong or not.

Positive thoughts provoke a positive mentality; when you’re in a positive mood you are more likely to be more motivated than you are if you’re angry or sad. This does not mean you don’t have valid reasons to be upset, but channel your energy into being as positive as you can.

This will better shape your day and your mood. It also shows that you are not bitter, you are BETTER.

3.  Invest in Yourself

After my divorce, I needed an outlet for my feelings; I needed to express myself and wanted to create a platform for other women to feel comfortable expressing themselves – so I wrote a book. I was able to take all of my emotions and energy, and put them into a project for myself.

This soon became my main focus.

If you have a business idea, or you’re passionate about something, your passion may be at an all-time high. Now is the time to believe in and invest in yourself.

We all feel a certain way after a breakup, fight with our spouse, or even a divorce. Take these emotions and turn them into a beautiful thing.

4.  Genuinely Love Yourself

Your confidence may be at an all-time low, but this is the time when you need it to be at an all-time high. Give yourself positive affirmations.

Look in the mirror and pick out all the things you LOVE about yourself.

This is good for the soul.

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