No one ever wants a relationship to end.

It’s usually more than the inevitable awkward break up conversation that holds people back from ending a relationship. It is the unknown that exists after the break up that paralyzes people with fear.

Instead of going through the uncomfortable phase, we often extend dead relationships and go through the motions to keep up appearances. Someone once told me that failed relationships were actually over halfway through. The second half was merely a delayed break up.

I completely agree.

Break ups are usually not an overnight decision. Two people have grown apart for some time before someone makes the move to end it.

As humans we are competitive beings. No one wants to lose. In relationships, we are no different.

Realizing this completely changed the way I viewed my own breakups and the advice I give to my newly heartbroken friends. Think about it. What good can come from sulking? You’re only delaying your progress while rejecting potential opportunities.

When you’re ready to move forward, take these 8 steps to end one chapter in your life and begin the next.

  1. When you find yourself debating or struggling, release your fear and inability to act.
  2. Forget the shame, embarrassment and sadness.
  3. Take time to reflect on the good times of your relationship, but don’t romanticize it.
  4. Remember what went wrong, without over-analyzing. Make adjustments so you do not repeat these behaviors.
  5. Celebrate yourself for having the courage to move forward.
  6. Drink to your newfound independence and dance to your favorite songs as if no one is watching.
  7. Make yourself available for the rest of your life to begin.  Don’t allow a break up to cloud your thoughts and plans for too long.
  8. Resist the urge to keep giving the breakup all of your energy. Instead, starve your heartache and give that energy to yourself.

Your negative attitude can block more than you expect – in work, with friends and (of course) in your love life. Whether you admit it or not, you’re repelling opportunities as you grieve the end of a chapter that needed to end.

Don’t close the book, just flip the page!

So who’s ready to celebrate your break up?  I’ll bring the wine.

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