Those who know me know that I read things and often have strong and very definite thoughts on the matter. After reading an article on called “The Unofficial Goldman Sachs Guide to Being a Man”, I feel compelled to respond.

While 99.9% of the tips were spot on for men, things like: “When in doubt, always kiss the girl”, there was one tip that tugged at my skirt a little:

“Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.”

Why? I wrote a story about it – here it go!

Well, I see it like this…the circumstances in which an ex became an “ex” could have been “EX-tinuating”. I know it’s not how you spell the word; I’m using word play. Stay with me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of exes that should STAY exes! Some you wish would fall into a deep dark abyss and disappear from the planet, yet they still pop up periodically to say hello. Umm…no thank you! They know they screwed up.

Normally, being young and dumb is the culprit for losing someone you cared deeply for. That was my situation. In my case, I ended up in therapy – don’t judge. Yes, it was THAT serious. Losing him sent me slightly over the edge.

There is always that “one who got away”. The one you would give almost anything to be back with again because, well, you are a woman now. No longer a little girl. Or you have reflected on life and learned some lessons.

You’ve evolved.

How he got away, could have been due to many things; age, family issues, illness, distance, work, lack of financial stability, lack of trust, education, the need for independence, fear…

None of which speaks to your character or means you’re a bad person.

“Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.”

I beg to differ.

Some of us remain single after a break-up (like myself), or in non-committal situations. We know there’s never going to be another “him”. Any new guy that shows up will be held to the same standards as THE ONE. Sad but true.

We move on. Learn to live without, but never actually get over him.

We reminisce about old times or even try to get him back. For a lucky few, it works! They reunite and end up being featured on the bridal blogs. For others, not so much.

Most often, the reality is that he’s moved on and has a girlfriend/wife. You have 0 chance of getting him back.

I heard someone say once, “Oh, you just have a girlfriend/boyfriend that means you can get an upgrade”. Any decent human would never go there or try to make waves in a perfectly functioning relationship.

Notice I said decent.

In my case, as much as I would love to be THAT girl…Whitley to his Kenu (A Different World anyone?) and make myself a nuisance until he realizes how much I adore him and that he really does still love me – I just ain’t got that kind of time! I’ve got things to do!

Then again, I do wonder some days if he is even still worth the effort.

Are any of our exes still worth the effort?

Although, I still get butterflies in his presence after 10+ years. His kiss can still make me forget any semblance of a thought I may have had in my head.

I said all this to say, this particular bullet point fails to take into consideration all of the circumstances surrounding how an ex became an “ex”.

We ALL have that one person we would almost kill to be with. Just one. more. time.

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