“The single most important thing a friend can do is 1. Show up or 2. Support you. Some people don’t understand this concept.” – Toni
That was the Facebook status I shared with my nearly 2,000 Facebook friends recently. It’s something I’ve thought about quite frequently during the last few years, as I’ve filtered through the shrinking list of my REAL friends vs. those who are just spectators.
Somewhere in my mid-twenties, some of my childhood friendships faded.
After 30, some reemerged.
I’m learning it’s best to leave some people behind.
The most profound experience of them all, was losing my childhood best friend to nothing other than simply growing apart and taking different routes in life. Well, so I thought.
The more I think back and analyze what caused the demise, it had been coming for quite some time. She drifted from me, and I tried to rekindle the friendship on several occasions. She did too, but I just had to let it go.
I began to feel like the friend who was only needed when issues arose. The friend who made herself available to be of aid and listen to the drama… but when I went through some of those same issues, my best friend was nowhere to be found.
The icing on the cake?
After a secret wedding, a baby (make that two between her disappearing acts) and years in which I was disregarded – she failed to show up to an event I’d put together. Not because she didn’t know in sufficient time. But because she simply did not come.
No effort. Nothing.
Most would have been rid of her after she “ran away”, but I have this thing that makes me, me: I’m loyal to those I need not be.
I’ve been beyond understanding in circumstances that I shouldn’t have been. Because, life happens and people go through things, right? Well, I got smart.
I had to learn to stop making people a priority who think of me as an after thought. While she may have been #1 on my friendship list, I was at the bottom of hers.
After turning thirty, that experience and similar ones, I simply stopped giving any f***s. No to fake friendships. My block button and walk away from it all game is strong as hell. I’m much more secure in who I am and prefer to enjoy my own company, rather than forcing happiness, conversation and laughter.
I wrote this as a friendly reminder to myself and those struggling between the two worlds of who’s real and who’s not; filtering through the noise as we navigate this thing called life.
As you age, you’ll hit more milestones such as birthdays, engagements, weddings, parenthood, etc. and cherish those who remain consistent and show up when you need them most.
Here’s to letting go of insincere friendships and creating a circle of the actual love and support that we all deserve.
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