Let’s face it- no woman really wants to be single. God didn’t place any of us on this earth to be alone.
Society will tell a woman it’s her fault. Women, especially black women, are often accused of being too demanding, too independent, and too selfish for a man to love us.
Social media memes have everybody and their mama giving unsolicited relationship advice, and many point the finger at a woman being the reason why she doesn’t have a man.
There are three times as many baby showers and single moms as there are wedding showers and two-parent households. Many men are afraid or just don’t want to settle down and commit.
These days, single is the new black.
There’s no worst time to be single than on a holiday, like Christmas or Valentine’s Day. Being subjected to happy couples, girlfriends, relatives, or co-workers flaunting their relationships in your face everywhere you look can be quite depressing.
Unfortunately, I know this feeling all too well.
My divorce from my husband of four and a half years was finalized last November. My first post-divorce holiday season was horrible, with family members refusing to let me move on, continuously bringing my ex-husband’s name up, asking what happened, and “why I let that man get away from me” (as if it wasn’t plausible that HE could have been the one at fault).
I cut my visit real short and went home to drown my sorrows in turkey, dressing, and pecan pie. However, I’ve come to terms with my marriage ending.
When Valentine’s Day rolled around and I spent it by myself watching Lifetime, I was perfectly fine with that.
Having been a member of the “Couples-Who-Love-To-Flaunt-Their-Love Club” for many years, I thought it would be difficult to be single on the universal day of love, but that wasn’t the case.
Maybe it’s because I know why my marriage actually ended and I know that I stayed far longer than I ever should have.
Or maybe it’s because I’m getting closer to knocking on 40’s door and I no longer have the time or energy to put into a relationship that is clearly going nowhere.
Life is too short to be anything but happy and none of us is promised the next hour. When I look at it that way, I am happily single and in no rush to replace the man I lost.
Single women are constantly being told we have to find “the one”, the clock is ticking, we’re not getting any younger…blah, blah, blah.
Some of our mothers and grandmothers have instilled in us the mantra that as long as we have a halfway decent man, we should be thankful. Doesn’t matter if he’s cheating, or isn’t fulfilling our needs, we need to count our blessings that some man…any man wants us.
Ladies, stop feeling like you have to settle for a man who doesn’t love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. I thought this way for a long time, and let me tell you, nothing good came out of those relationships.
Know that you are worth holding out for the right man to come along; who wants to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
We live in a society in which people want instant gratification. Everybody wants what they want right now, including relationships. But sometimes, we can want it so badly that we don’t take the time to pay attention to what’s important.
Good looks and sex can only go so far. Once the honeymoon period is over, is the man you’re with husband and/or father material? Does he want to build a life and grow old with you? These important details are often overlooked when we settle.
Single ladies, don’t listen to the hype.
You’re not the common denominator in regards to why you’re still single – especially after thirty. With age comes wisdom and the ability to “just say no” to the drama and foolishness that plagues relationships these days.
Never let anybody make you feel bad for not living up to their expectations.
There is nothing wrong with being alone and not joining the ‘“At Least I Have A Man’” club.
Love yourselves first, because only then will you ever be able to truly live in peace and realize that you don’t need a man to validate you.
Let God send the right man to you, and until he comes along, stop settling. Stop clubbing every weekend hoping to find Mr. Right, because you won’t find him in there. Settling will have you on an episode of Fatal Attraction or Snapped.
Who has time for all of that?
I have come to realize that having a relationship isn’t as important as having peace of mind. Fall in love with YOU. In the words of the late, great Whitney Houston, “That’s the greatest love of all!”
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