I‘m a 42-year-old Black single mother of a 14-year-old son, so I get it. I’m not exactly in the most desirable demographic.

I can accept that. Hell, I have no choice.

But see, that’s ME.

I have a huge problem with society, especially Black men, thinking that it is all because of me.

There is a gentleman who services my air and heat. He’s been doing so for a couple of years and was referred to me via my mother. When I first met him years ago, he asked me out. We spoke on the phone a couple of times, but I decided it wouldn’t be the best situation, so I cut everything off.

Fast-forward a couple of years later. I needed service on my air conditioning unit again.

Everything went well. He fixed the problem and we wrapped things up. He hadn’t mentioned one thing about a date… well, until he was heading down the walkway and asked why I was still single.

I told him that all of the guys I met were either taken, liars, or we just weren’t compatible.

Do you know what the dude had the nerve to say?

Well maybe it’s you.

I wish a picture could have been taken of the way my mouth fell open. The unmitigated gall of this guy to tell me that I must be the reason I’m single. I realized just how sick and tired I am of Black women bearing the brunt of… well… everything.

If a young Black man ends up in trouble, it must be because he had a single Black mother who babied him and treated him like her man instead of her son…

We are all angry and drive our men to white women…

We wear weaves because we hate ourselves…

It ticks me off to no end, but somewhere there is a little Black girl who is hearing and internalizing it. She will grow up thinking she is less than and unworthy of the happiness of a good relationship.

I feel great about myself and the skin I’m in. That comes from many years of self-reflection and realizing who was at the root of this hateful vitriol.

There are numerous articles and think pieces about why so many of us are still single. I call BS on pretty much all of them. Especially ones written by Black men. And it seems throughout history, not much has changed.

On May 22, 1962, Malcolm X gave a speech in Los Angeles in which he said,

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman.
The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman.
The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”

As of 2017, not much has changed. But no one is going to take my shine. So I say it loud, “I’m a Strong Independent, Single Black Woman and I’m Proud!”

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