I swore that after my divorce 8 years ago, I would never commit to another relationship.
After all, what purpose does a man really serve?
My mother was a single parent and head of the household. She believed very strongly in attending church, Sunday school, vacation bible school and bible study on a weekly basis.
Whenever there was a church trip, she made sure my brother and I were on it. I spent a lot of time in church, learning that God made Eve for Adam and she was to be available and attentive to the needs of Adam.
However, in my household it wasn’t the man that led the household. It was my mother.
She essentially became Adam and her male friends took on the role of Eve. She didn’t allow them to be the head of the household. Needless to say, my view on men was not very positive.
During the course of a 14-year marriage, and while exhibiting the lessons learned from my childhood, it was not a shock to see why my marriage didn’t last. We imitate what we learn, and watching my mother assume the role of the dominant partner year after year, it was second nature for me to do the same.
I systematically took the power away from my husband and turned right around and resented him for letting me do it.
I’m not saying that I was entirely to blame for the dissolution of my marriage, but I can honestly say I wish I had done things a little differently. Anyone who has experienced a divorce can attest to the fact that it is very painful and the hurt, anger or whatever feeling you want to name, takes time to heal.
The journey to healing was a long one.
I shied away from serious relationships. I chose unavailable men and would never fully commit to anyone; instead opting to have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.
I would be ready to leave a relationship at the first sign of trouble, always telling myself, I don’t need a man, his baggage, his money or any drama he would eventually bring to the table.
I wanted things my way and he either had to fit in with my plan or keep it moving.
This went on for years until one day, I was speaking to the Lord and I verbally said, “I want a serious committed relationship.” I don’t know what caused my shift in thinking.
Maybe I realized that God did not intend for anyone to be alone or I was finally ready to let go of my fear of failure.
Maybe I was ready to completely trust that God had something wonderful in store for me.
Or perhaps I realized that this chapter in my life had to end before a new chapter could begin.
All of the negativity I put in the universe about not wanting a commitment, not wanting to be married, not needing a man, was altering my destiny.
I realized that I was successful in every other area of my life. I had raised two wonderful daughters who were self-sufficient and making good decisions. I excelled at my full-time and part-time jobs, and had a wonderful support network of friends.
I was successful within my sorority and my spiritual life continued to lead and guide my steps. The only area that was not so great was my lack of a truly meaningful relationship.
So I decided that I was going to make a practice of speaking positivity into my life.
About a year in a half ago, I began this transformation. I began to specifically pray for a committed relationship. I began writing down a list of qualities that I needed in a partner and I began to earnestly pray and believing the Lord would answer my prayers.
One day, while browsing an online dating site, I met a man who immediately piqued my interest. He was very different from the men I usually dealt with. He listened and immediately understood what I needed.
Even though this relationship is new, it is easy. Communication is effortless. We make time for and listen to each other. I truly believe that God knows that I am ready to open my heart and life to someone of His choosing.
God has provided a man who loves Him, and will protect me and my family.
A man who will pray for and with me, is patient and is not afraid of commitment. He is supportive, encouraging, strong and motivates me to be better.
Right now, I feel no fear. I am fearless and, most importantly, I am ready to take another chance on love.
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