Being single is being an individual and defining yourself as a singularity. The definition of “you” involves no other person or object other than God.

Who are you? I am surprised by how many people have no response. Answering this question can create levels of inner peace and clarity in your life and alter how you see the world.  

From childhood into my 20’s, I envisioned marriage and children. I played with my Ken and Barbie dolls, along with the kitchen play set where I cooked plastic molded spaghetti for my family.

The reality is: your childhood dreams don’t always become reality.

At the present, I am unmarried with no children. Years ago, I cried and constantly asked, “What is wrong with me?” There had to be something wrong since I was still single. I believed if you gave a man what he wanted, he would stay. Providing money, sex, or emotional support, would surely grant me a relationship.

Looking back, a few men manipulated me into lowering my standards. One man cheated on me several times and I forgave him each time. Another called me names and manipulated my feelings to get money. When you seek acceptance and love outside of yourself, these are the types relationships you choose.

None of these encounters was a waste of time. Each taught me a valuable lesson that has helped me going forward. I’ve been with some good guys, liars, cheaters, even a con artist.

What’s wrong me? Nothing. I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I am perfectly flawed. True inner peace is a priceless commodity that takes time to attain. It took a long, painful journey to get here.

After my last relationship, I promised God I would stay single for one year to work on myself. Take time to find myself. During the first year, I prayed, asked myself tough questions and worked on loving and forgiving everyone who hurt me and well as the people I inflicted pain on. I reflected on private, dark moments when I was not proud of myself or my actions. I faced my worst enemy; me. Forgiveness creates healing, and acceptance of your faults.

After three years, I am complete and whole.

There is not a person on this planet that can complete me because I am already complete. This by no way means a relationship cannot complement or add to your life. The right person can push you forward and make you want to be a better person.

I am focused on my purpose in God, what He wants for me and I want to focus all my energy on this goal. I know who I am and understand that relationships have been a major distraction for me in the past. I have often put my plans and goals to the side to submit to what he wanted. God has shown me my purpose and I can no longer put anyone’s needs over what He wants for me.

If you are single at the moment, this is your time to focus on you and find peace within yourself.

I spent time over the years meditating and accepting the part I played in each failed relationship and forgiving them as well as myself.

For every failed relationship, realize you chose them; don’t pass the blame to anyone else. Take in the feeling of regret that you didn’t see the warning signs. Cry if you need to. Crying is a release of pressure and pain. It makes room for new thoughts of peace and love.

Being single has its perks. The biggest is freedom.

I answer to God and only to Him. Every choice you make comes with blessings and consequences; I realize without children there is no heir. I will not experience the blessing of children or a husband to connect with and love me in the physical.

Even though my mind wanders to these places, I know I made the best choice for me.

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